Empowering Yourself: Why You Don't Need Permission to Succeed in Your PhD Journey
The One Piece of Advice I Wish I Had Known in the Early Years of My PhD Journey
If I could travel back in time to give my younger self one advice on my graduate education journey, I would tell myself to stop seeking permission and (every decision that were to be made in the PhD journey is mine to make).
My inclination for constant permission
My early educational years were spent in Malaysia where the educational system was rigid and teacher-centric. There was little room for student creativity, agency, and exploration. There was a lot of focus on not making mistakes and students were generally reliant on getting the teacher's approval.
I completed my undergraduate education in Malaysia with a degree in Communication from a local university. I worked in various fields such as publishing, advertising, and eventually made my way into Higher Education as an educator and administrator.
The mentality of needing to seek permission still followed me throughout my adulthood. I believe its largely the fear of making mistakes which was instilled as costly and a failure if you do.
Journeying into a brand new world
A few months short of turning 30, I had the opportunity to attend graduate school in the United States but the transition was a difficult one.
I was quickly inducted into a brand new country, managing cultural differences and the a foreign educational system.
Despite my seven years of professional work experience, I struggled with reading and writing for graduate school.
This resulted in me becoming overly reliant on my professors for approval in every decision I made.
So how did living with the constant need to ask permission for me look like?
I only signed up for courses that I was familiar with.
I avoided courses that I was not familiar with, even if I was interested in them.
I only pursued research areas that were congruent with my identities, such as being a woman, an international student, and anything related to education.
I lived with severe imposter syndrome, constantly doubting if what I brought to the table was valid unless it had been validated by my professors or peers.
This self-limiting mindset was holding me back, and it took some time for me to break free from it.
Experimenting with a new way of doing things
One day during my third year of doctoral coursework, I decided to do an internship with the faculty developers at my university.
As someone who had no experience in instructional design, I immediately felt a pang of self-doubt.
Would I even be allowed to do the internship? After all, it wasn't required, and I was exploring a completely new professional field.
For days, I debated with myself, weighing the pros and cons and trying to anticipate every possible outcome. The uncertainty and anxiety were exhausting.
But then, something shifted. I realized that I didn't need anyone's permission to pursue my interests and goals. I could be an advocate for my own growth in my PhD journey.
With newfound confidence, I sat down to write an email to my dissertation chair and the director of the department.
But instead of asking for permission, I stated my intentions clearly: "I want to do an internship."
The words felt bold and daring on the screen in front of me, but I hit send anyway, heart racing.
To my surprise, the response was immediate and affirmative.
My dissertation chair and department director didn't question my lack of experience or the fact that the internship wasn't required. They simply said yes.
And in that moment, I felt a sense of empowerment and liberation that I had never experienced before.
From that day forward, I knew that I didn't have to wait for anyone's approval to pursue the things that interested me. I could advocate for myself, take risks, and chart my own path.
And it all started with a simple shift in mindset – from seeking permission to claiming my own agency.
Taking the reins of your doctoral journey
As a doctoral student, you're no doubt aware of the sacrifices and challenges that come with pursuing your degree.
With so much at stake, it's easy to feel like you need to constantly seek approval and validation from others.
However, it's important to remember that your PhD journey is ultimately yours.
By embracing a mindset of independence and agency, you can unlock a whole new level of freedom and creativity in your work.
When you stop seeking permission and start doing things your way, you'll find that the journey becomes more enjoyable and fulfilling.
So go ahead, take the reins and own your PhD journey – the possibilities are endless!
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